The Prosaic Times

A New Year

2005-01-05T14:05:00.000+11:00

It’s been a while since I looked at this. I’ve been busy so quit ya whinging. Actually I haven’t found much to complain about recently. Things have changed quite a bit in the last few months.

First off, the last post I made before going to Melbourne for a job interview, which I was not successful in but was moved to the new store in the same role as I am in now. I think this is a good thing as I am not sure I could have done the good job which the selected manager has done. The store is in a brand new centre and it has been interesting to watch its development over the Christmas period. One of the biggest things is the sense of community amongst the retail staff. Centre management are still a pain in the ass though.

I also have started Wing Tsun Kung Fu. This has helped me gain more control over my emotions and given me a sense of security. The biggest thing that I have learnt so far is that if I am ever in a confrontation I will be more likely to high tail it out of there, at least until I have had more training and know what I’m doing. The classes are great; it is a very practical style with no flashy movements. It is designed to do the most amount of damage in the least amount of time and relies very little on forms and katas (there being only four forms). The training is physical and relaxed as we need to practice on people, not much can be done without a few limbs to work on.

The New Year has had me thinking more about the future than I have ever done in the past. My philosophy for last year was to be like a leaf in a stream, that is to let life sweep me along and hopefully around the rocks without collision. This has been a good strategy and has worked, even though I have had quite a few problems I seem to have moved around them without too much damage.

This year I am going to build. I’m about to move into a house with my current flatmate and his sister. The house belonged to his recently deceased grandpa, as such the family are letting us stay there rent free for a while. This should help with the finances. I will be as career minded as possible this year, working towards that managers position but only if it is in a store that is near where I live. I want the job but I don’t want to have to travel for two hours each way to get there.

I intend to go to New Zealand on a ski trip this winter, hopefully a week skiing in one or two places. I will still try and get to the slopes here as often as possible. Maybe even another weekend at Thredbo YHA at the beginning of September if the snow holds.

I’ll try to get back to posting here occasionally. I still have heaps of retarded customers so I’m not short of material.

Peace to all
Wax

Wing Chun - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

2004-12-06T23:52:00.000+11:00

Wing Chun - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A month ago I started to train in Wing Tsun. The Leung Ting linage of Wing Chun. I chose it because it was the closest kung fu gym to my place but I have discoverd it to be perfect for both my body and mind.

It was developed by shaolin monks for lighter people (I'm 55kg's), especially women. Ng Mui, the legend goes, taught it to a woman called Wing Chun. Wing Chun had to defeat her fiance, a warlord, in single combat to be able to marry her Love instead.

It's based on principles rather than specific attacks and blocks. This opens it up to analasys and spontanaity.

The class is very relaxed. It helps relax the mind and body which helps learing moves as reflex. We change around alot to get used to different people's styles. Larger guys tend to be harder and guys my size tend to be softer. It's good to listen to what they are correcting with their game.

Urban Sense

2004-10-27T15:14:00.000+10:00

I was going to write today about the moron I was partnered with when I started kung-fu this week but a broader topic has presented itself, urban sense.

Urban sense is the common sense needed to navigate through a day in a populated area with out getting slapped. In this entry I will outline a few of the common areas where people seem to lack urban sense. Surprisingly the majority of acts of stupidity occur while in transit but that may be because most time spent in public is while commuting.

Mass Transport

Mass public transport systems seem to attract the worst kind of behaviour. Studies show that when we are placed in close proximity to strangers we de-humanize them as a way of coping with the invasion of our personal space. Unfortunately this leads us to behave as if we are alone. Certainly picking your nose and farting may be a breach in etiquette but they do not breach the laws of urban sense (unless the curry you had last night brewed a particularly nasty one). The worst of all offences occur while boarding and alighting.

For some reason, usually at peak hour, there is a phobia that you will miss the train if you don't get onboard first. This leads to crowding around the entrance, sometimes pushing up against the doors and storming through the moment there is a large enough gap. Unfortunately people are also trying to alight and it is made rather difficult when you have to exit in single file between surging masses of suits and skirts.

Urban Sense Rule 1: When boarding a vehicle leave enough room for people to alight. This will allow them to exit quickly and thus allow you to enter sooner.

The other occurrence which brings out the slap happy side of me is when a small group will board the train, after pushing past all the exiting commuters, and stop right at the entrance. If you do this with me behind be prepared to be pushed out of the way and no in the polite tap-on-the-shoulder excuse me kinda way, think more Bruce Lee one inch punch.

Urban Sense Rule 2: When in public thoroughfare don not stop, ever, where it will block the flow of traffic or be prepared to be swept away like a cripple in the running of the bulls.

Shopping Centres

In particular escalators are a hotspot for stupidity. Lets reason this out, when you are on an escalator you are on a set of moving stairs where the only exit is at the end, with no room to manoeuvre. So when you reach the top of an escalator, travelator or anything which encourages laziness, don't stop at the very top and discuss which shops on that level you want to annoy staff in. Please refer to USR2.

When traversing said shopping centres try to suppress your urge to have all of your closest friends next to you. There may not be any leaders of followers in your group but that is not an excuse for pissing everyone off by walking sixteen abreast and allowing no one to pass.

Urban Sense Rule 3: Always allow room for people to move around you. Not everyone walks at the speed of a fly without wings.

For all the mum's, dad's and grandparents be aware that not everyone is tolerant of your beaut new, 4x4, double decker pram. So when you stop to chat with another set of hapless procreators and turn the prams across the path so the kiddies can gurgle at each other, don't think that our instinct to protect the young will stop me from throwing the pram over the rail to the centre court five stories below. Refer to USR3.

Summary

To sum it all up in one great golden rule for urban sense (OGGRfUS): Don't get in my way.

Fire and Ice

2004-10-15T15:59:00.000+10:00

For those little sweat monkeys who love in the great city of Sydney the last week has been kinda strange. On Wednesday and Thursday we had some of the hottest temperatures in October for the last sixty years. It was fantastic, except I had to waste most of the sunshine locked in the dungeon's of Westfield's.

The noticeable thing about the weather outside was the decrease in the temperature inside. I'm not sure if it was relative but our shop especially felt to be getting colder. Which was not the best of things when we left home prepared for thirty eight degrees of swelter. There were some fantastic photos of crowded beaches in the newspapers, which I viewed from behind the counter, and sitting in our smoggy courtyard playing guitar as the light faded was a treat.

But something wasn't right, I had a major problem at night, namely the lack of flyscreens on our apartment and our ground floor location forced me to keep the door shut as I lay sleeping. I woke many times on Wednesday night just to take a sip of water and move to a less sweat drenched part of the mattress.

So my blogging for this Friday shall consist of another list, seems I am getting into the habit of presenting things this way I might as well give in to the grinch and call it:

Top Ten Things That Are Crap When It's Hot

(worst to worstest - 1 to 10)

Shopping centres with more people than floor space.
People recoil from many individuals who seem to have forgotten the meaning of the word deodorant.
Every few seconds is punctuated with the Aussie Salute as we wave away the swarms of blow flies.
It only takes a few seconds without a hat to have a face like a beetroot while feeling the roots of cancer settle in.
Every gust of wind brings a sneeze or a cough. Pharmacists rub their hands with glee as the masses flock to chemists to purchase their preferred anti-histamine flavour. (The taste they leave in our mouths is almost worth it's own point.)
Windows open. Which means that if you live in high density apartment housing you begin to hear every little sound that might be made, especially the show tunes from the freaks opposite us that are played as loud as their system will allow.
People begin to snap and snipe without discrimination. The simplest things can set of the most level headed drunkards in the park. The customers battling the crowds are worse.
Lethargy invades every domestic action. The only thing that I could be bothered doing was clomping to the fridge to get another beer and even that was borderline.
Every news service in the country shows people smart enough to skip work and head for the beach. Even crowded Codgee beach would be great on these days, I can handle the crowds for the numerous topless bathers.
Waking up with wet thighs and a puddle around your groin, taking the tentative sniff of dipped fingers to be relived that you haven't made an 'oopsie' during your slumber.

Well it's almost time to start packing up the shop.

Peace out.

The Sect of Homokaasu - The Gematriculator

2004-10-12T19:26:00.000+10:00

This just plain retarded.

The Sect of Homokaasu - The Gematriculator

McFind-a-Table

2004-10-09T14:10:00.000+10:00

An interesting phenomena was highlighted to me a couple of days ago, the act of finding a table in a crowded food court. It is a surprisingly friendly game considering the aggressiveness with which it is played.

On my lunch break on Thursday I met up with my Mum, her Hubby, my Sister and her Kid. We went up to the large food court here in the shopping centre in which I work (second biggest in the southern hemisphere and growing) and were confronted by one of the most crowded public places you'd find away from the main stage of a music festival. Needless to say we recognised the need to find a table before we went for food. It took ten minutes, some psychology, intimidation, speed and tenacity before we snagged a four seater on at the back edge of a platform.

The rules of the game:
The only rule seems to be He who makes contact first owns the table. And it's more of a guideline.

Tactics:

Pick your hunting ground. Look for the areas where people are finishing their meals and with few people around. Groups of teenagers present suitable areas as they tend to eat and leave whereas fogies will linger after finishing. Also look for tables near the less popular shops.
Speed. Each team will need a runner. The ideal would be a kid or early teen as they have the speed and size advantage for moving through crowds. It is also more acceptable for them to push people out of the way when running.
Go against the flow. Watch where people are moving and go against the flow. They are either moving away from their tables after finishing or leaving unpopulated pockets.
Intimidation. If you see a young runner move towards a table near you send the largest member of the team to claim the table. Even if the kid gets there first your team member can scare them off by ignoring their claim. You may need to bare down on that kid's table like a health inspector on a cockroach.
Eviction. Don't be afraid to ask people who are sitting at a table if they are leaving. Even if they are halfway through their meal they become aware of time pressure, especially if you loiter nearby, and will eat quicker and leave without lingering.
Split up. Send out search parties made up of both speed and intimadatory players. It is the quickest way to victory and you may get your choice of position.

Remember, though it is a serious game, to be gracious in defeat as the game will continue until you win a round. You don't want to be in a shitty mood for an afternoon of consumerism.

Monochromatic Birthday Presents

2004-09-30T21:52:00.000+10:00

I bought Mum her birthday present today. I CD, "The Definitive Monkees". It's not that I think that she won't like it but it does call into question the purpose of a present. Is it more about the enjoyment gained from the present or from the knowledge that someone was thinking about you?

I found the CD while looking for myself, the new Libertines CD, but the cover caught my eye. My first thought was that it would be a great CD for me but the Monkees reminded me of Mum, as she was a huge fan when she was a kid, and I remembered her birthday next week. That isn't to say that I won't use the CD, as I type it is uploading on to my trusty iPod.

So I know that Mum will enjoy both the thought that went into the gift (the knowledge that she liked the Monkees) and the use. My problem is in the gift of a CD.

A CD is a generic gift. It is the easiest present to buy someone if you know what they like, aside from a gift voucher from the CD shop. The price is also perfect, at about $30 it expresses the optimum amount of love for just about anyone you would bother buying a present for.

What are some other monochromatic gifts that we could give to our most treasured persons?

Socks and ties. Perfect for Fathers Day only and then only as a gift from young children.
Chocolates. Always enjoyed, unless you buy the wrong brand. Some brands say 'Thank you' others say 'I love you' and others say 'Your tops Dad'. So giving your new girlfriend a box of chocolate ginger might be the wrong move.
Books. Can be good if a good book is purchased but avoid the little gift books with titles such as "What Men Need to Know About Success" as you would avoid a motivational speech by a sugar soaked, pink vested life councilor.
Snow globes, fridge magnets, tea towels and tea spoons. A good novelty item to give someone on return from a holiday but keep it there unless you know that the person collects them.
Appliances and kitchen utensils. For weddings only. To a girlfriend, wife or mother they send a strong message. If they are asked for, unless it is a large appliance such as a fridge or washing machine, politely forget the request and buy bath product instead.

So maybe the CD isn't such a bad pressie. Maybe I'll drop buy the shops tomorrow and buy some bath bombs and smelly stuff to go with it. Maybe Mum will love the present until she reads my blog (Hi Mum!) then will burn down the neighborhood in a fit of rage...

... maybe not.

Vote 1.

2004-09-29T21:06:00.000+10:00

Dilbert.com - DNRC: " If there is one thing that our role models in this election have taught us, it's that omitting important information is completely different from lying. "

How true.

My issue today involves voting. I'm sick to death of people saying that there is no point in voting because our vote makes no difference. Would you please stop reminding us. We know but if we don't vote we get slapped with a $50 fine. In layman's terms, we loose two cases of VB.

Once every four years we spend half our Saturday standing in line waiting as some granny with no hearing and less eyesight searches through a massive book of names. Then in a total of fifteen seconds we are given a sheet of paper the size of Denmark (note the irony of voting for the Greens), write "1" in the top corner and spend another half hour attempting to fold it into a small enough size to fit into the polling box.

Our current MP is building a bus way along the highway from Parramatta to Liverpool. It's taken the better part of two years to build as they have, up till now, been doing the heavy construction early on Monday morning. This was a genius idea to miss the traffic and piss off the residents.

I live on the said highway and Sunday night between midnight and four is a time I like to enjoy. After a long weekend of sport and party's there is nothing better than getting two hours sleep before the jackhammers start.

But we are now close to election and I suspect that the Honorable Mr. C wants to show his worth by opening it next week, right before the polls open. So they have been working harder for the last two weeks. Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday stretching on into Wednesday. By Thursday I had blood shot eyes and most of my blood had been replaced by coffee and Coke.

It hasn't been too bad for the last few days, the hammers have been put away and the levelers (THUMP, THUMP, THUMP) are parked at the depot. Though the line markers and sign posters like TripleM, loud, all night and all morning until it is time for the rest of us to rise.

Which brings us to my reasons for voting next week. I'm voting the most pro-gun party there is. I'll ask the dudes who stand out the front and shove little bits of paper in your face "What is your stance on guns?"

The one who answers along the lines of "We want every household to own anti-tank missiles." gets my preferences. If there is more than one party I'll go with the one who has the best WMD subsidy scheme for underprivileged families.

Please say the name of the department...

2004-09-28T22:14:00.000+10:00

I had to call the phone company today to sort out a billing mistake. By now we are all used to the button press and voice recognition switchboards but today I was introduced to an extension of the later system.

A chirpy female voice answered the phone, as always, but instead of giving me options she just asked the purpose of my call.

"A problem with my bill." I answered. She said that there was a problem understanding what I had said and asked if I could repeat the name of the department I was looking for.

"Billing enquiry." I said, slowly, understanding now what information she was after.

"I'm sorry, were you looking for Accounts and Billing Enquiries?" She responded. Why was she sorry? Are billing enquiries worthy of such pity?

"Yes."

"Right." She said. Shit, I've pissed her off, now I won't get anywhere. She continued "Can you please say the name of the department you are after."

Haven't we been past this already? But miracles do happen. I coughed.

"Thank you," She said "I will now transfer you to a customer service consultant in Accounts and Billing Enquiries."

How it happened I'll never know but after Adam, my consultant, finished fixing my billing enquiry I mentioned the new switchboard.

"I know mate, I have to deal with it forty hours a week. Next time just keep yelling 'consultant'" He said then delivered the corporate farewell mantra.

tOdAe i abit Mad... sUffEr frOm dEpeSsioN sia...

2004-09-28T03:33:00.000+10:00

This scares me:
ku du,si ai qin de di ren,ye shi ai qin de pen you

nematoddity: take two, damn it

2004-09-27T22:42:00.000+10:00

nematoddity: take two, damn it

World Wide Waste

2004-09-27T22:10:00.000+10:00

Talking to a friend tonight we realized that we live in an age where there is access to and enormous volume of information and yet many prefer to watch a group of strangers imprisoned in a house for ten weeks.

I don't think, though, that people are getting stupider. To use some news-speak, we have become media savvy. We are aware of how much of the information we are exposed has has been created to express an idea and with a desire for us to accept these ideas. Obvious examples are advertising and propaganda (which are essentially the same thing aside from different focus).

The problem may be that we are exposed to so much information we filter out we manage to filter out all but which directly interests us. Are interests innate? I don't think so.

Interests take time to develop. To quote an article I read recently:

When you first read history, it's just a whirl of names and dates. Nothing seems to stick. But the more you learn, the more hooks you have for new facts to stick onto-- which means you accumulate knowledge at what's colloquially called an exponential rate.
http://paulgraham.com/essay.html

It must be disheartening to study interested in a complex topic as the more complex it is the more hoos you need before it can be appreciated. So we become interested in the simpler things.

Most television shows are half an hour with ads, songs have to be short enough to play on the radio and news articles condense the important information into the first paragraph. We have remote controls so we can flick channel if a show is moving too quickly. If it isn't sharp and edgy it won't last a season.

Children will happily sit through a three hour screening of Harry Potter and Robert Jordan's series The Wheel of Time is up to it's tenth volume. These examples and others like them point to the past-times in which we invest a lot of our time. The details of The Wheel of Time are much analyzed and discussed on webgroups and among peers.

We find the things that hold our attention are the ones where we can easily see the hooks. Film and literature is a perfect medium for this as the stories can be interpreted in many different ways. This is different to television which provides more of a linear story that is easily interpreted.

We like fiction more than most things, though at the moment infotainment is becoming a larger market with filmmakers such as Michael Moore.

Should we be studying more relevant subjects? And what would they be?

Missing Information

2004-09-26T16:54:00.000+10:00

Sometimes customers amaze me. It is not that they are nessessarily stupid people but the bright lights of shopping centers seem to switch off their brains.

First customer of the morning came up and placed items on the counter. He wasn't unfriendly and his eye's were not crossed so I'll assume he had some intelligence. Our till requires us to enter a postcode so that we can see where our customers are based.

Me: Can I get your postcode?

Customer: Zero, zero, zero, zero.

Me: Zero zero zero zero?

Customer: I don't want to give it out. I don't want you to send me anything.

Me: Ok then. Are you a club member?

Customer: Yes.

He hands me his club card and I scan it. When we enter a customers club code all their information is brought up on the screen, including their postcode, address and previous purchases.

What I should have done was confirm his post details. No, what I should have done was first tell him that we can't post anything based purely on a fucking post code and then slapped him because we already send him stuff as he is a member of our retail club.