McFind-a-Table

An interesting phenomena was highlighted to me a couple of days ago, the act of finding a table in a crowded food court. It is a surprisingly friendly game considering the aggressiveness with which it is played.

On my lunch break on Thursday I met up with my Mum, her Hubby, my Sister and her Kid. We went up to the large food court here in the shopping centre in which I work (second biggest in the southern hemisphere and growing) and were confronted by one of the most crowded public places you'd find away from the main stage of a music festival. Needless to say we recognised the need to find a table before we went for food. It took ten minutes, some psychology, intimidation, speed and tenacity before we snagged a four seater on at the back edge of a platform.

The rules of the game:
The only rule seems to be He who makes contact first owns the table. And it's more of a guideline.

Tactics:

• Pick your hunting ground. Look for the areas where people are finishing their meals and with few people around. Groups of teenagers present suitable areas as they tend to eat and leave whereas fogies will linger after finishing. Also look for tables near the less popular shops.
• Speed. Each team will need a runner. The ideal would be a kid or early teen as they have the speed and size advantage for moving through crowds. It is also more acceptable for them to push people out of the way when running.
• Go against the flow. Watch where people are moving and go against the flow. They are either moving away from their tables after finishing or leaving unpopulated pockets.
• Intimidation. If you see a young runner move towards a table near you send the largest member of the team to claim the table. Even if the kid gets there first your team member can scare them off by ignoring their claim. You may need to bare down on that kid's table like a health inspector on a cockroach.
• Eviction. Don't be afraid to ask people who are sitting at a table if they are leaving. Even if they are halfway through their meal they become aware of time pressure, especially if you loiter nearby, and will eat quicker and leave without lingering.
• Split up. Send out search parties made up of both speed and intimadatory players. It is the quickest way to victory and you may get your choice of position.

Remember, though it is a serious game, to be gracious in defeat as the game will continue until you win a round. You don't want to be in a shitty mood for an afternoon of consumerism.