Please say the name of the department...

I had to call the phone company today to sort out a billing mistake. By now we are all used to the button press and voice recognition switchboards but today I was introduced to an extension of the later system.

A chirpy female voice answered the phone, as always, but instead of giving me options she just asked the purpose of my call.

"A problem with my bill." I answered. She said that there was a problem understanding what I had said and asked if I could repeat the name of the department I was looking for.

"Billing enquiry." I said, slowly, understanding now what information she was after.

"I'm sorry, were you looking for Accounts and Billing Enquiries?" She responded. Why was she sorry? Are billing enquiries worthy of such pity?

"Yes."

"Right." She said. Shit, I've pissed her off, now I won't get anywhere. She continued "Can you please say the name of the department you are after."

Haven't we been past this already? But miracles do happen. I coughed.

"Thank you," She said "I will now transfer you to a customer service consultant in Accounts and Billing Enquiries."

How it happened I'll never know but after Adam, my consultant, finished fixing my billing enquiry I mentioned the new switchboard.

"I know mate, I have to deal with it forty hours a week. Next time just keep yelling 'consultant'" He said then delivered the corporate farewell mantra.